I procrastinate. I am not a fan of dishonesty in people, but I act complicit sometimes. Quite often, I avoid problems, live in a comfort zone, seek pleasure in fantasies. There are times when I wish to escape from the world around; there are times when I crave an escape from myself. Which destination do I aim for? Which place do I cherish?
And, I dream big. I value integrity, hope, and courtesy. I love to socialize, too. I travel to a new destination each year, tour distant places. I crave for creativity, originality, and simplicity. I wrestle with the chaos bravely. I wish a life of teacher, and death of a writer. Many a time, I happen to sail through the creative process; sometimes, I ebb, sometimes, I flow. There is a world around, and there is a world inside- the world of intrigues and emotions.
In a moment of reflection, I wrestle with the question: should I seek “the real me” inside, or become a person I always wanted to be. Is becoming not a kind of seeking? Is becoming your truer self possible in the world-of-conformity we happen to live? Does not becoming sound a jargon from the motivational market?
Seeking is more of a philosopher’s quest. It inspires us to ask questions, to be curious, and to indulge ourselves in an intriguing world of love. But, is it wise to philosophize every bit of experiences we go through in life? Are not we killing the simplicity in the process?
We try to become something; sometimes, we succeed, however, we keep seeking some unknown-self of us all the time. Becoming may have an end-point, but seeking never stops.
The battle within is unavoidable. I can procrastinate but not have had the courtesy to escape.